Monday, December 15, 2008

Mini Blog

I have a lot of things I'd like to blog about but I just don't have the energy so I'm going to do a mini blog on each of them... Ahem...


1.Lucy
Awesome!!!!

2.How to eat a cheeseburger correctly
You eat around the center until you get half way around the you take the center bite.

3.Rock Band 2
The greatest video game ever made!

4.Top Gear
My new favorite show! It proves that you can apply wit and passion to anything and that's all it needs in order to be entertaining.

5.Christmas
Still not done shopping!

6.The Spanish Inquisition
Nobody expects it!

7.Lucy
Still Awesome! ( and beautiful!)

8.Adventures
Have them!

9.Guinness's book of world records
I want to be in it!

10.Disneyland
I'm going there!

11. Money
I need more!

12.Exclamation points!
!!!!!!!

13.Dogs
Woof!

OK! It's bedtime!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Meh...

I know I'm usually a very positive and optimistic person, but today just sucked. I'll spare you the intimate details, but one thing just kept happening after another to the point where at the end of the day I didn't even enjoy sitting on my bed and reading! And that's usually my favorite! I just can't shake this bad feeling! I do have one more thing up my sleeve that works to cheer me up 99% of the time though. I do this thing where I turn off the lights and shut my eyes until I lose consciousness. If I do that for more than eight hours I usually feel much better!

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Is it possible...

to eat so much cake that your arms hurt? Because I ate a lot of cake and I just noticed that my arms REALLY hurt... Oops! While writing that sentence I realized that my arms probably hurt because I was playing Rock Band for like an hour tonight.

I am sorry I haven't been blogging as much. The truth is, the only time I blogged before was when I would sit at my computer for a couple of hours before I'd go to bed. But lately I haven't been doing that and if you know me you'll know why. For those of you who I don't see that often, the reason is, for the last month or two I've been spending the time after work but before bed with someone new and special. If you must know it is a girl, and while she is extremely annoying, the more I learn about her the more into her I get. I find myself more and more attached, but it's really been making me sad and scared lately. You see, I've been spending WAY too much time with her and I just realized tonight, that because of all the time we've spent together, it's probably going to have to end soon. I don't want it to be over but "the end" is so close that I cant literally see it from here. The only thing that helps me cope with this is the fact that she's a fictional character. Her name is Bella and in less than three weeks I've completely devoured the four books that she is the main character in.

For all intents and purposes the Twilight series shouldn't be good at all. I stayed away from it for a long time simply because I thought I could keep myself entertained with more "adult" books. (after reading that back it sounds like I'm reading porn, but I'm going to keep it in because I'm lazy.) But after reaching a literary dry spot, and with the movie coming out, and having a girlfriend kind enough to lend them to me, I decided to give them a shot. Honestly I haven't felt this way about reading since Harry Potter. And it's not because Twilight is some sort of literary masterpiece. But I realized while reading it, that in the end, a book doesn't have to be intellectual, or unique, or challenging to enjoy. It really just has to put me in the right mood and tell a decent story. You see, I read all the time. I always have a book waiting for me at home after work. But it's been a long time since I've looked forward to coming home and reading the same way I look forward to watching a new episode of my favorite show, or seeing a movie I've been waiting forever to see. These books are just fun, and "just fun" is something I've really missed about books, until now!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

RAM

Some people worked on cars with their dad's and some played catch, but with my dad it was building computers. He would never buy a pre-built one from the store. Whenever he had a problem or needed to fix something he would just open it up and fix it himself. So when I wanted my first PC he took me to the store and bought me all the parts and we built it ourselves. This was before comp USA, Best Buy, and Fry's mind you. He actually had to take me downtown to an industrial area where a parts supplier was so we could get all the components. I remeber installing DOS with those giant floppy disks, I remember one birthday when he got me a cd-rom, this was before they became a necessity, and no one in the room know why I was so excited except for him. I remember being so excited when I upgraded my hard drive for the first time because I kept having to uninstall and reinstall games just to have enough room. He bought me one that was 100 megabytes!

The reason I'm getting so nostalgic all the sudden is because my computer died this afternoon. If my dad hadn't taught me all of this I would have been helpless and this blog probably wouldn't have been written. But more that that, every time I open up a computer I always get this rush of memories. The first computer we built, the time he helped me play my first game over a network (doom), the time we drove down to an ISP in order to get set up to use the "Internet." It's nice to have a practical set of skills that help me in everyday life, but that's nothing compared to being able to have such good memories.


Good Times!

Monday, November 10, 2008


On Sunday I joined my family at Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate my niece's second birthday. It was the first time my girlfriend Lucy would get to spend time with my extended family and I was both excited and nervous. That feeling, combined with the flashing lights, loud noises and twitching robotic mouse made me quite uneasy at first, but at soon as I got used to the environment I had an excellent time. Lucy and I played skeeball and basketball, we met Chuck in person, and I spent some time on stage testing out their blue screen.


But about three quarters though the party Lucy grabbed me and asked if I heard crying.

"no." I replied.

But as I strained my ears a little harder I noticed the slightest whimpering coming from what seemed to be the ceiling. I looked up and realized that It wasn't the ceiling at all, but a two story indoor playground, and inside it, jammed into one of the sewer like tubes, was a little boy.



"Little boy, why are you crying?" I asked him through the plastic tubing
"I'm quite stuck sir, And I do believe that I'm running out of air!"
"Oh dear, you must help him Michael, you absolutely must." Lucy said
"Ah well, how could I possibly say no to someone as beautiful as you." I replied.
Examining the structure I realized that the complex interweaving of tubing had an opening on the ground floor. Carefully removing my shoes I approached the structure, but before I reached the entrance a young employee yelled.
"You sir! You are much to large to even entertain the idea of entering our playground!"
"I have not a choice!" I replied "A young boy is suffocating as we speak!"
"You don't understand!" he shouted "your weight alone would damage the structures support system! I don't know how long it would hold with you inside it!"
"How much air is left?"
"About five minutes."
"Then that's how long I've got!"
I threw my shoes in his direction and didn't look back as I raced towards the opening, but as I ran I swear I could hear that you employee say,
"Godspeed you beautiful beautiful man!"
As I turned the first corner the noise from the excitement outside dimmed and I felt my first twinge of loneliness. I thought of the concern for the boy on Lucy's face and it gave me strength. I entered the first room.
The employee was right. This place was not built for a man of my stature. the ceiling was barley four feet high and the walls were covered in all sorts of rudimentary puzzles and fixtures. I noticed on the wall a wheel like the kind you see on a car. I hoped that it would open some sort of air vent but as I spun it nothing seemed to happen. The wheel had absolutely no purpose!
"What kind of mad man built this place!" I muttered to myself.
I noticed a tube that seemed to lead to the second floor but as I reached the apex I noticed that the room at the top was pitch black.
"Little boy! Little boy are you there!" I spoke cautiously as I felt my way through the room
"Yes. Yes I'm here. Come to me!"
I froze, For that was not the voice of Little boy at all. It sounded older. Much older. With a sinister hiss and rasp behind each word that chilled me to my core. I felt something brush against my calf. I crawled as fast as I could not taking the time to feel what was in front of me.
"Come to me Michael! Come to me!"
It was yelling now, and as its voice grew in volume it also grew in pitch until Its high squeal pierced my very soul.
"You will stay with me! They all do in the end! In the end they all end up with me Michael!"
It was behind me now and the anger on it's voice was great, but my eyes caught a glimpse of light ahead of me.
"It may not be your time yet! But we will meet again!" it's voice hushed to a whisper "I will see you... In the end..."
The voice faded away into quiet laughter as I made my way into the light of this new corridor. As my eyes adjusted they immediately focused on something that made my heart leap. There he was, clutching his ankle, the little boy.
"Little boy!" I exclaimed. " I've found you!"
"That you have sir! My ankle seems to have twisted in some way which god had not intended it to and I find it quite useless. After taking such a perilous journey I hesitate to ask, but..."
"Say no more lad" I said with sympathetic eyes. "I didn't make this trek just to see you suffer. Take hold of my back!"
As the young man grabbed on I looked out the spherical window with which he got my attention in the first place and saw Lucy so far below. I smiled and waved and in my heart longed to be with her again, until I realized that she didn't share my look of distant love at all. Instead, hers was a face of terror and I suddenly realized why. The ground beneath me shook and the little boy grabbed on tighter.
"What's happening!" He shouted
"I thought this might happen!" I sighed as the whole structure seemed to buckle.
But then I noticed through the window the young man who cautioned me before I entered the labyrinth. He was wildly pointing to his left. I looked, and in the corner of the room there was a tube that seemed to lead straight down to the first floor.
"Hang on kid!"
"I've got a bad feeling about this!" he said as I quickly made my way to the slide.
The structure was teetering more and more as I threw myself face first into the unknown. With the boy on my back we made twist after turn gaining speed. We were going too fast. Even if we did make it to the exit in time there was nothing that could stop the inevitable impact at the end of this terrible ride. But then we both saw it.
We flew towards the exit at incredible speed but my worry about the impact was no more. For waiting at the end of the slide was the patriarch of this wonderful institution. The one being who had the strength and build to catch us safely at such a terrible speed. Chuck E. Cheese himself! The boy released himself from my back in mid flight and with a thunderous "Poof" we impacted, sending all three of us to the ground.
With a great crash, the structure collapsed behind us and the entire establishment filled with dust. As it slowly settled I noticed the noise of the arcade had died down. I no longer heard the sound of dozens of games being played by celebrating children, but the sound of hushed anticipation as everyone gathered round to see what emerged from the dust and debris.
Silence turned into thunderous applause as Chuck led the way with the boy on his shoulder. All of us were encircled by the cheering crowd, but while the rodent and the boy seemed to enjoy it, it only made my mission harder. I strained to find my target and finally saw her in the back of the room, calmly sitting at a booth with a smile she only reserved for the happiest of occasions. Lucy slowly raised her hand and casually gave a thumbs up as a single tear strode down her face. I returned her gesture in kind as I was consumed by the crowd.
"God bless us!" I shouted "God bless Chuck E. Cheese!"

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Get me a Diet Coke babe!

It's hard for me to believe that the days following my heart surgery would be some of the best I've ever had.

Here is a list of things that made today so awesome:

Waking up!

Breakfast with Lucy!

Walking around the mall before it opened! (one of my favorite things!)

Lucy coming over and reading while I played video games. It's a really good feeling to be at that point in a relationship where you can just be together but not feel like your entertaining a guest!

Eating outside! (That's a big deal in Arizona)

playing a game of Rock Band with ALL the instruments!

Singing Hands Down!

Loaded questions!

Loaded Questions poetry reading!

A surprise trip to Benihana! (My new favorite restaurant!)

reciprocation! (By far the best part of the day)

The coat closet next to my front door!

Falling asleep to Flight of the Conchords! (well I haven't done this yet but it's about to happen!)

Notice how all of those things ended in exclamation points. That's basically how this day is ending for me. With the worlds biggest exclamation point...

Thursday, November 6, 2008

OK, so that last post was an inside joke. So if your not a girl and your name doesn't rhyme with Smoosy please ignore.

So I totally had heart surgery! An you know what! It wasn't that bad. I am really sore, and I can't take off this stupid bandage for 10 days, and my chest really hurts, and I can't really lift my left arm above my head, and I'm gonna have this funky lump in my chest for two years, but I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out. I'm not as big an invalid as I thought I was going to be either. I still can't work because of the arm/bandage/no showering/pain thing and I' really bored but I'm super happy! They didn't find anything wrong. Which is good because now I know I don't have anything life threatening, but it's also bad because that means they didn't fix anything either. So I'm still going to have dizzy spells once in a while and I still have to take pills. but now at least I can have the confidence to do the stupid things that I enjoy like traveling, and hiking, and jet packing through the Swiss alps! OK, i haven't done that last one yet but I'm sure when I get around to it ill enjoy it! Either way, on a scale of one to ten (because Lucy likes things quantified!) I'm a definite 9. But I'm sure that will go up to a 10 after about 4:00!

Rawr!

Rawr rawr rawr, raaawr rawr rawwwr! raaaaaarw!

-Rawr!

P.S. Rawr!!!!!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

So I'm pretty sure this will be my last post for a while. Tomorrow is surgery day and, you know, I don't think I could be more prepared. The last month has been filled with some of the best times I've ever had. I'm closer to my friends, my family has been awesome, and being with Lucy has made me realize how much easier it is to appreciate the amazing things in life rather than spend all your time worrying about the bad stuff. In fact I've been so excited about how my life is going to go after tomorrow that I hardly have time to worry at all.

Being an optimist is a lot of fun! I think I'll stick with it.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

I'm awake, I'm awake!

For some reason, no matter what time I go to bed lately I always wake up at 8:00am. Last night I didn't get to bet until like 2:00am, but six hours later I woke up! And it's not like I'm tired or need a nap during the day or anything. I'm really afraid that this is the first step towards some sort of terrible metamorphoses. Like I'm gonna wake up one morning as a bear or something. And I'll see all my friends but they'll just think a crazy bear is after them an I'll tell them "no! It's me Michael!" but all they will her is "Rowr Rowr!" Then I'll go to the mall because that's where I go to relax but they'll have a no bears policy and the security guards will ask me to leave and that will really hurt my bear self-esteem! Then I'll go into the woods to be with other bears but they have special bear senses and they'll know I'm not a real bear and they'll kick me out of the woods. But then a kindly zookeeper would see how sad I am and take me to the zoo where I get fed every day and I get to see all kinds of people! Sweet! I cant wait to be a bear!

Wow, I went a whole post without mentioning Lucy! I wonder how she feel about bears?

Dammit!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Magnet...

I was out with Lucy tonight having dinner with her coworkers when I suddenly realized something. We were having a great time and I was really getting along with her work friends when it hit me. She's my girlfriend! It's just that I've kind of had a crush on her for a while and I knew if I ever had the chance I'd ask her out. But I had no clue in a million years that we would get along this well. It's a really nice feeling to feel this in sync with another person. My only fear at this point is that she's some sort of spy that has been studying me for years and creating the perfect cover in order to seduce me until I give up the secret location of all that Nazi gold. Well, if that's the case I hope she can forgive me when I tell her that the Nazi gold was never real, it was in her heart all along... God I'm so tired! This is what happens when I have a completely endearing and romantic thought but I couple it with a general lack of sleep and a stomach full of Mexican food. Either way, Lucy=Awesome Me=Happy

The End

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Busted...

Once again my brain is busted. I should write about my heart procedure. I should write about work frustrations. I should spin a riveting yarn that perfectly illustrates the numerous and interesting aspects of my life...

But I cant!

I try to, but my brain is a mush with words like, freckles, hands, voice, hair, eyes. All of them prefixed with words like flawless, and perfect.

I'm running out of ways to articulate this, which is probably a good thing because I'm sure these are the types of blogs that only one of my readers is interested in. So my apologies to Katie, Lynn, and anyone else that may read this, but this blog is about whats on my mind, and she's all I can think about right now...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

I think...

I think the blogging part of my brain is broken! I've sat down to write a new blog three times this morning and all that comes out is incoherent gibberish. It could be a brain tumor, or maybe some slowly developing mental disorder. Or it could be because there is this girl, and every time I'm with her my brain goes completely haywire. I'm not joking! I tried to blog last night after she went home and it looked like this...

"dear blog,

Tonight was ffffffuuuuuuububububbbfffffll mmmmmm4mnn.

-Michael"

Now I can only think of two possible phenomenon to explain my situation.

1. I have an amazing girlfriend and my brain just hasn't figured out how to process how awesome she is yet... OR...

2. Lucy Burk is some sort of alien who was sent here from her home planet to steal my brainwaves because they emit a unique signal that her race uses to power their massive alien fleet.

Now, I would prefer option number one, but number two would explain all those weird lights and sounds that appear over my house every night...

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I feel like I haven't actually sat down and done any serious blogging recently but I haven't felt that clever lately. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't blog unless I can spin some exciting yarn about zombies or radioactive dolphins that has a close allegorical link to whats going on in my life. But I really don't have the creative juices right now to do that so I'm just going to list some of the things going on with me right now...

Heart procedure:

Less than two weeks away. I was really comfortable with it until I met with the doctor who is doing it. He went into way too much detail about what he wants to do and now it seems a lot less like the out patient deal that he made it out to be at first. I was also worried about talking to Lucy about this. My heart issues have a history of freaking girls out and I had scheduled this thing long before I decided to ask her out. Part of me was really considering not asking her out at all until after it was over but I really couldn't help myself. Just try spending five minutes in a room with her and you'd see what I mean. Either way I'm still a little freaked out but the more reading I do on it the better I feel about it.

Work:

Every morning I go into work and sit at my desk and every morning there's some new phone message or email that makes my brain want to explode. I think someone is trying to kill me by irritating me to death with work issues. I love the company I work for but I need to find a job there that actually makes me want to wake up in the morning.

Girl:

Lucy came over yesterday and made pizza for me, from scratch! It was the single most impressive thing I've ever seen a human being do. Until now I thought food was something that magically appeared after you gave money to low payed minority workers. But apparently you can rub a bunch of ingredients together, heat them up, and they make delicious meals. We ate the pizza, went for a walk, and then watched Baby Mama. It sounds pretty low key, but I don't think I've had this much fun with another human being in a very long time. I could probably write another page on how I feel but I've got to keep up this cool guy facade so, yeah... I'm pretty happy...

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Random Thought...

There Will be Blood is a great movie... But, with who was next to me, I'm pretty sure I could have been watching Waterworld in Spanish tonight and I really wouldn't have cared less...

Friday, October 17, 2008

I'm just going to embarrass myself...

Today sucked. I worked over ten hours, didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted, had like three dizzy spells, and got a bloody nose for no apparent reason. If this had happened a month ago this blog would have been another page of me complaining about how I really don't like my work and how I just want to pack up all my stuff, quit my job, move to Carlsbad, and live on the beach. But, to be honest all I really want to write about is the Phoenix Zoo. More specifically the person who is taking me there, but because I know for a fact that she is reading this right now (Hi!) and I really don't want to embarrass myself that much I'll just say this... What would have been a normally crappy day was that much better simply because of the thought of spending a day with someone who can tolerate the fact that I'm going to spend an hour at the monkey cage telling them to say hi to their mothers for me.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

sorry

I usually don't do three post so close together but I was so proud of myself that I had to share it. I cancelled my World of Warcraft account today. I really just don't have the motivation to play anymore. But when you cancel your account you have the option of telling them why you quit. This is what I put...

"I met a girl and she showed me what the outside looked like. It's kind of nice. Although it does take really long to level up. I killed like fifty pigs and all that happened was a farmer tried to shoot me!"

I'm really hoping someone actually reads these and it makes their life a little better...

wow!

After reading that last post I feel that I must disclaim...

Ahem... I in no way feel that any of the loyal patrons of the financial institution where I work would be or deserve to be devoured by the undead. I merely have an overactive imagination and sometimes feel the need to express myself in the most creative way i see fit. In this case, my allusion to a zombie outbreak was merely my way of suggesting that a small number of people may not have the proper mental facilities to manage themselves in a crisis. Furthermore, I feel that most of the people I meet throughout the day are quite pleasant and are well within their capabilities when managing their own lives.

Thank you,
Goodnight.

My Braaaaaaiiiiiinnnnnnssssss

Working in finance I've had the pleasure of meeting all types of people. Everyone needs to keep their money somewhere and most of them come to me. With all that exposure to such a wide sampling of the populous I can say with some certainty that people can be categorized into two distinct groups. Those who could survive the zombie apocalypse and those who would inevitably be killed and fuel the ever growing zombie horde. This is usually the first thing I think when I meet a new client. Would this person be the type to help me build a new society amidst the landscape of a zombie ravaged wasteland, or would their foolish attempts at survival only lead them to be feasted upon by the walking undead. Unfortunately, I'd have to say that in my expert judgment at least 80% of the human race is doomed. Most people are incapable of understanding and organizing their lives even without the impending threat of zombie invasion. How is Joe Six-Pack supposed to handle something as simple as ammunition management when he cant even balance his checkbook. It's just that I see so many people failing at normal life, and because of that it's hard not to believe that when heaven is full and the dead flood the streets that the only thing those people will be good at is creating a living wall that simply serves to block the zombie horde long enough so that me, and those few others that have it in them, can survive.

Monday, October 13, 2008

That last post...

Ignore it... I was just upset that it was Monday. Scratch that, I was upset that it wasn't Sunday. I think I just assumed that because I didn't want Sunday to end that Monday would suck that much more. But it didn't! I actually had a good time at work and the day went by pretty fast. It's not that I'm suddenly in love with what I do at work now, but today just seemed a little more bearable than usual... I wonder why?

My Brain!

If you ask most people who know me, they'll say I have kind of a one track mind. I tend to arrange my life in such a way that I only really have to worry about one thing at a time. Well in the past week I've have four separate but rather large issues that have been wracking my brain and I think it may explode soon. Since I'm not one hundred percent on my readership I'll have to be vague, but one is extremely exciting, one is extremely irritating, one is kind of scary, and one is slowly sucking the life out of me. Now I can't really do anything about the scary one, I'll just have to wait on that one. The sucking-the-life-out-of-me one has no foreseeable solution until next year. The irritating one is the one that's really giving me a headache and I'm not quite sure how to handle. As for the exciting one, that will probably be the one that's on my mind all day today, so hopefully it'll keep my brain occupied so the other things don't creep in and give me a headache.

P.S. Sorry about the vagueness, but in my mind everyone I know reads my blog like the Bible... they do don't they? (cough... cough...)

P.P.S I just ran a spellcheck and it found no misspelling! I don't think that's ever happened to me before!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Two things...

First, I think I'd like to be a rock star. From what I've seen, it seems to be a very appealing lifestyle. I'd get to sing and dance around like a crazy person and people would cheer for me and I would'nt really have to go to work... It sounds like fun!

Second, I didn't really plan to advertise on my blog but I think everyone who reads this should know that if they don't have Netflix then they're walking around with a big gaping black hole in their soul. A hole that they probably don't even know is there. Any I pray that someday I might be a talented enough writer to describe the feeling of building an extensive queue, forgetting everything you've put on it, and then getting those beautiful red envelopes in your mailbox. If you've ever wondered what it's like to actually hold endless opportunity in your hands, its getting a Netflix envelope and not remembering what you've ordered.


Today I got "Baby Mama"


sheer magic...

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Lots to say...

But not a lot of time to say it. I'm completely exhausted and I want to go to bed, but my brain can't stop processing all the awesome things that happened today...

And to think that when I woke up I thought it was just going to be another Wednesday.

I dont leave for work for another hour...

I'm bored, here are some anagrams of some of my friends names...

Edward Terranova = An over-rated draw

Beth Terranova = Threaten bravo

Dustin Kuczak = Dusk Zack unit

Will Hirsch = Hi! Shrill WC

Lucy Burk = Lucky rub

Michael Wolski = I am whole slick

Katie Pesta = Take a spite

Autumn Pesta = Mutant pause

Don't blame me... these were all created with http://www.anagramgenius.com/

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I hate weekdays...

I've discovered recently that I'm only truly happy two days out of the week. That means I'm only happy 28.5% of the time! I don't hate my job or anything but sometimes it feels like a chore that I only do so I can get to Saturday and Sunday. The fact that the last two weekends have been especially awesome (don't ask my why, that's a whole other blog!) has only served to remind me of how long and daunting the week is. But I guess we all have our burdens to bear. For some its disease and starvation, for others it's oppression and hate. For me it's a 40 hour work week... I guess I don't have it that bad, but man I cant wait until Friday!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

A story...

So I've recently become aware that a lot of our actions as human beings are predetermined by our prejudices and preconceptions. That even the most ill-conceived notions, if kept unchecked, can force us to make terrible decisions that can keep us from leading truly fulfilling lives. I discovered this first hand the other day while at the local sandwich shop. The woman at the counter asked me, as she always does, if I wanted the works. I responded as I normally do that I wanted NO tomatoes, onions, or mustard. I took my sandwich, sat down to eat, and was treated to what can only be described as a tastegasm. I immediately opened the sandwich to find that the woman who prepared it had accidentally put mustard on it. You see I've spent my whole life telling people "no mustard," because I truly felt I hated it. I'm sure it started sometime during my childhood, but the point is I've spent my whole life hating this condiment for no reason and now all I feel is regret for so may sandwiches wasted. It makes me wonder what other condiments I've missed, maybe mayonnaise isn't that bad, maybe a little onion wouldn't hurt. But I'll be DAMNED before I put tomatoes on my sandwich! I hate them so much!






Thank you mustard, for opening my eyes...

Epilogue

After eating the greatest sandwich ever I returned to the counter to compliment the chef on her mistake, but she was nowhere to be seen. I asked around, and no one seemed to know who she was. As I went to leave the manager came running out of the back room, grabbed me by the arm, and told me that he knew who she was. It was his wife, she loved mustard. She couldn't eat a sandwich without it. But then as tears began rolling down his cheeks he told me she had died one year ago on this very day in a freak mustard accident...


OK that part didn't happen but the rest is still true... sort of...

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Learning

I want to take some sort of class. Does Arizona have a Learning Annex? Is the Learning Annex even real? I always hear about people taking pottery classes or basket weaving or fencing at the learning annex. I think the only problem with me taking fencing is that if they gave me a sword I would become an unstoppable killing machine. I would wander the land slaying all that crossed me until I found an equal who could best me with the sword. Or until someone shot me. whichever happened first...

this is what happens when I have nothing to write about...

Monday, September 29, 2008

Cheer Up!!!!

OK, after reading that last post I got a little depressed so I'm gonna post some pictures to cheer me up!



There is so much raw emotion in this picture.
I really like how the child is reaching out to you.





Here we have two young men sword fighting on a lawn.
In retrospect I really wish I had asked them what they were fighting about.





I am a firm believer that Police officers should carry guitars in staid of guns.


There... Much better!

This is my job...

I have to go in to work two hours early tomorrow because the higher ups want to hold a meeting to discuss a new form we need to fill out. Now I have nothing against the form. It's a good form. I truly believe that this form will be an asset. But there is something extremely unsettling to me about all the preparation and excitement that has gone into this form and the meeting that revolves around it. It's been the talk of the office for about a month. Now I really do love my job. I have a nice sized desk, a large window from which I can see cows and goats, and more filing cabinets than I know what to do with, and I can keep myself relatively entertained while keeping productive. But part of me feels that it's only a matter of time before I become one of those people who gets really excited about forms and meetings. If that ever happens, whoever is reading this has my permission to come over to my house and slap me. Not hard, I don't like being slapped. But just enough to snap me out of it.

By the way, I was reading my employee handbook and there was a section on blogging and what is and isn't appropriate when talking about work. So for all intents an purposes herein, I am a Lion Tamer. All of my stories are about working at the lion taming office.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Introductions

I was on the phone with my sister a while back and I realized something about myself. Because of some as-of-yet undiscovered brain disorder, or simply because my life recently has been so repetitive and boring, it's become harder and harder for me to recall anything noteworthy about my days. So I've decided to keep a blog to organize and keep track of all my thoughts and adventures so that maybe someday I can look back to this time and remember that I didn't just work, eat, and sleep.